“A Lawyer, Chiropractor, and a Red Neck walk into a bar…”

They’re all looking for Colton. Tribal Council tonight was like the first session of wilderness rehab camp, where teenage strangers are lambasting each other’s lives, knowing full well they have no real basis for such attacks, but feeling the need to say crazy stuff anyway. Colton repeatedly rolled his eyes, re-stretched his neck, and aired his wealthy Southern Republican opinions to the world. The question is, which people group is now most offended by his behavior? Is the homosexual community hating his stereotypical antics? Are the Republicans wishing he’d come across more compassionate and less openly judgmental? Are the wealthy wishing he’d untie his sweater scarf? Or are the trailer folks hunting him down right now with spotlights and shotguns from the back of their Ford pickups? I fear for him, actually. Alabama’s not safe. Bill came across passionate about his own life and dreams, but not judgmental in the least about Colton’s life. Bill clearly won this battle by maintaining dignity, but unfortunately for all of us, he lost the war, and we’re left with Colton. If he refers to Leif with any more Oompa Loompa or Wizard of Oz references, I might just hop in the back of a pickup myself.

Wow. Normally the challenges are my favorite, but this week the drama is all about Survivor One World turning into Survivor Crazy People On An Island Doing Weird Stuff.  Here’s what happened from what I can tell: Colton doesn’t like Bill, so Colton goes to Troyzan and Jonas and explains that they need to get rid of Bill immediately. Troyzan and Jonas say okay and talk Tarzan and Jay into the plan too. Somewhere off camera Michael and Leif are filled in on the idea, and are willing to just go along with the group.  Then Tarzan does this elaborate “Leif, you’re such a traitor and we’ve got to get rid of the bad apple” fake-out speech, convincing Bill that Leif is going home. The guys go to Tribal and vote out Bill. 

Simple plan, lots of acting. But why? Why did this need to happen so urgently? Why not let the girls vote someone out and decrease their morale? I wish we knew what Colton said that convinced everyone of the need to go to Tribal immediately. Jay, Bill, and Michael had nothing to gain by going along with the plan. It’s one thing to throw a challenge when you’re Ethan Zohn and have a loyal alliance you’re trying to keep in tact. That worked 10 years ago, but this is 2012 and volunteering for Tribal Council is just plain crazy. Goodbye gentlemen. Bad choice.

The girls are eating snails. That’s about all there is to say about them this week. Ten days in, and they all look skinny and tan. I’m starting a snail diet tomorrow.

Looks like something could knock Colton off his throne next week. Too soon for a tribal swap? Another immunity idol at stake? Whatever happens, I hope Colton wins a pillow at the reward challenge. The neck stretching is driving me crazy. Bless his heart.